Im raising my son to be a responsible man who will not look down on women, like my father does, she says. Another common stereotype that is associated with females is to give birth to only female children which increasing the ratio of female infanticide because some men are in favor of only male children. 4. The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. 3. I never expected to be a second wife. She described that she was completely alone with her daughters after her husband's second marriage. Lillian had twins Zakhele* and Zanele* (now 39), and thought she and her husband were happy. A false rumour that men in Eritrea would be legally obliged to marry at least two women went viral this week. You feel the need to establish more control over the decisions of your partner. It protects the families from contracting sexually transmitted diseases and possible deviation to an illegal sexual association [3]. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. Yet we make as felicitous a stepfamily as you are likely to find. The world is their oyster. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Azad Chaiwala says he first "came out" as polygamous when he was just 12 . Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. These findings have implications for policymakers and family advisors. Many young women might regard being a second wife better than remaining single. The supervisor of the study verified the emerging themes and contents. But in Pakistan and Iran, only consent is required from the first wife and need to show it in the court as proof for the second wife. Practicing polygamy as a legal permanent resident can lead to deportation, as can a criminal conviction for bigamy. | Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. mortality is outrageously high and t What's popular and why. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. Though plural marriage is banned in developed courtiers, it is surprisingly common, and popular, that 55% of the women share their husbands in developed countries while an average of 16% of women in less developed nations. In the current study, co-wives reported several negative consequences of polygamy such as jealousy, lack of trust, unhappiness, loneliness, unequal financial division, and social privileges among the multiple wives those are consistent with previous studies conducted in UAE, Kuwait, Egypt, Jordan, the Gaza Strip, Arabs in Israel, Palestine, and Turkey which point out that the wives in polygamous marriages have reportedly more psychosocial, familial and economic problems compared to their counterparts from monogamous families [16-20]. Theyd been happily married for 15 years when she received the shock of her life. Many first marriages start with two young, giddy people, unfettered by the realities of life. He may be wounded and certain things may trigger an emotional response, such as . Then I learned that marriages arent like cars, independent of the people in them, to be fixed according to an owner's manual. The average duration of polygamy was about 11 years so most of the co-wives had been accepted co-wives and engaged themselves in several activities and got comfort considering it fate role, religious permission, and compromise for the sake of their children's future rather than divorce. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. 2010;57(1): 121-127. My wife and I were happy there was absolutely nothing wrong with our marriage. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. So, I was second selection of my in-laws." The Journal of Social Psychology. 2020; 39(2): 750-760. This can make for a challenging home life from day to day. Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. Lateron, both married. The applicant argued that the second woman's marriage was invalid because she, the first wife, had not consented to it: a notion upheld by the North Gauteng High Court. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. Thats irresponsible. Evelyn, who has a four-year-old son, now works as a waitress to help her mother with the legal fees for her divorce. So she said I always support my husband for equal treatment with all wives because this life is much better than the previous one." These themes were generated from the co-wives experiences. Both verbal and written consent was obtained. As of early 1842, Brigham Young was a contented monogamist. Polygamy | Becoming A Second Wife | Accepting Other Wives 13,077 views May 15, 2020 154 Dislike Share Diaspora Ukhti 3.66K subscribers This is a survey only! Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. Since that we gave importance, care and love toward each other, i accept his proposal. She believed that by allowing for a co-wife, she too would be blessed to have a child. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. For Aneesa Azeez, a 23-year-old Muslim convert and college graduate, her husband's . Christianity condemns polygamy as an offence against the dignity of marriage, insisting that conjugal love between a man and wife must be mutual and unreserved, undivided and exclusive. Growing up my mother was abused by my father, Thembi says as she wipes away a tear. But when a man marries for the second time he knows what he's getting into. 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. One of the misconceptions about being someone's second wife is that you'll have no choice but to have a low-key courthouse wedding with minimal fanfare, and that the ghosts of weddings past will linger. Though she faced a lot of criticism from the first wife. To find out the reasons for multiple spouses by men. But it was a happy marriage for her with 2 children (one boy and one girl). The difficulty is usually with the first wife. An analysis of 11 cases of polygamous women transcribed verbatim showed a cluster of themes as infertility or having only female children, love marriage of husband, family pressure, the relationships among co-wives, and their coping strategies to accept this relationship in their marital life. As when co-wives share their domestic chores, and other responsibilities of the family they become less possessive with time about their partners. Remember, in a normal setup the wives are not enemies nor are they in competition, Maphalala points out. The appropriate strategies which are purposefully working by co-wives must be enhanced with proper education and implement programmers that teach coping mechanisms and stress management. In the long run, it is usually the second wife who is accepting of polygamy. Prevalence of mental health problems in women in polygamous versus monogamous marriages: A systematic review and meta-analysis. The historic context was that men often died in battle . Evelyn shrugs and says women should always know their rights and not be afraid to fight for them. Table 1: Frequency of co-wives for infertility, only female children, love marriage and family pressure as reasons of polygamous marriages (n=11). Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome. Here are some signs that you have allowed the second wife syndrome to fester in your home: Being a second wife to a married man can be overwhelming, and if you are not cautious enough, you might find yourself stuck in a loop of insecurities. Most Muslims do not practice polygamy. Treating me with the resentment of a union official watching a house being constructed with non-union labor, my erstwhile friend watched me build up and remodel my life. International Journal of Mental Health. A married couple that stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but what about a marriage that ends? Yet even though we have gallopped past our twentieth year of marriage, I am still considered The Second One by certain of our acquaintances. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. But Im his last.. As some statistics have it, we are one in every four married women you will meet. Evelyn*, 32, tells DRUM her mother's experience was awful. Their mean age was 33.83 ranging from 18-50 years. Co-wife conflict and co-operation. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. A nurse brought me this far she took me into her arms and her home and decided she would be my mother. 1st wife of Mrs. Imam and 2nd wife Miss Nadia have attended some important ceremonies together but they did not get along (Table 2). One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. So why is the phrase second wife so unnerving? Both babies were through cesarean. 2009; 103(1): 17-29. Eva*, now 60 was married to my father for 28 years, and then one day he said he would like to add two more wives they were twins, she recalls. It stayed almost one year that we hide our relation to his first his wife, because he told me, that he want to inform his wife, when he will be in front of her, since that she was in her home country and it . Not the wives of college friends, not old relatives who can't remember new names but who remember that they shelled out good money for a fancy gift the first time around, and especially not the original wife, who thinks of herself as the bona fide wife. Policy-makers should be made aware of the implications of polygamous marriages on womens health and well-being. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. Seven women were single before marriage, while two were divorced and two were widowed. If that doesnt work then they go to the husband and present their cases, and the husbands role is to restore peace. Children can complicate matters further as each mother might feel the maternal pull to protect her own offspring more than the children of the other wives. composed of two imperfect people. By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. Eva wasnt happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. These themes emerged in 3 main themes as Causes of polygamy, outcomes of polygamy, and coping strategies of polygamous women. Somehow, you probably have always pictured someone who has never been married. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. She also stated that "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayers and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." So second marriages tend to have less of the giddiness and more of the serious daily life attached. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. Instead it is the familiar routine of waking to an arm around your waist, the companionable bathroom talk with mouths full of toothpaste, and the idea that someone will know if you dont make it home at night. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." International Nursing Review. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. Appointments were previously taken and the interviews were conducted at their places for their convenience. In the beginning, females refused to share their partners but with time they accept it. And more children too they are all so respectful and loving, a clear example of the home theyre being brought up in.. Community awareness of the effects of polygamy on women through media campaigns is a beginning step. Participant Mrs. Abdullah stated that in her pain after her 1st husband's death and later divorce from her previous husband due to barrenness when she met her third husband who dealt her effectively with her emotional pain. As she stated, "out of sight, saying of mind.". That kind of baggage can be detrimental to a second marriage and undermine any benefits of being the second wife. 2014; 8-10. He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. To evaluate the outcomes of the relationship between co-wives. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? If the person in the second marriage who was married before didnt have children, then chances are they never have to even talk to their ex again. I would never accept polygamy unless my husband decides to divorce me to marry a second wife. Mrs. Tanveer (first wife) has accepted the co-wife relationship because to her religion has allowed the man for multiple wives. I told her that if it was going to make her unhappy I would forget about the whole idea. In Pakistan culture, most polygamous women get relief in religious practices and other activities as one of the senior wives (Mrs. Amir) said "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayer and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. However, it is possible that a person is confronted with circumstances whereby he is unable to uphold his righteousness and purity, whilst maintaining relations with a sole lady, who happens to undergo periods of menstruation, pregnancy, delivery, suckling, and other forms of ailments, etc. 2006; 52(1): 5-17. Second marriages also have a much larger cast of characters than any first marriage. Archives of Women's Mental Health. The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. Second marriages are like the mature version of you getting married again. Al-Sharfi M, Pfeffer K, Miller KA. Because her first husband always cursed him by saying a childless woman. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality, being a stepparent is out of this world hard. Confidentiality of the data was ensured to all the participants. Mrs. Gulzar who was 36 years first wife told as she came to know her husband has a hidden marriage with Miss Nasreen. A Muslim convert says that being a second wife provides her. She said that time was very painful for me and my little daughters. For example, many people view second wives as cheating, homewreckers, and gold diggers. Divorce can be an expensive proposition. Judge Nenney says every week she hears cases where a couple is charged for having sex outside marriage. Her relationship with her co-wife was perceived to be sisterly. He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. 70% of those second marriages end in divorce. Concept of one soulmate for everyone is flawed anyway. Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. Thobejane TD, Flora T. An exploration of polygamous marriages: A worldview. 2014; 5(27): 1058-1058. If the wives have any conflict they first need to try to resolve it among themselves, says historian and cultural expert Professor Jabulani Maphalala. Polygamy.com. 1. While a second marriage can be successful, its still a relationship composed of two imperfect people. Here are 9 challenges of being a second wife to watch out for: Oh, this is your second wife. There is just something you feel from people when they realize you are the second wife; like you are the consolation prize, only second place. Mrs. Kamal was also a childless first wife from the past 6-8 years and she accepted a co-wife rather than divorce. The outcomes of polygamous marriages have also been seen. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Success and failure among polygamous families: The experience of wives, husbands, and children. Also watch: A guide for second wives to create a happy blended family. like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. This practice of taking on another wife while still married to the first one is called polygamy, not to be confused with origami - which is the art of folding colored papers. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. It can be a challenge if wounds from old relationships arent quite healed. Thus, two things relating to marriage have affected the overall percentage of the population who find polygamy acceptable: more unmarried people in the population, and the fact that these. They get along because this is normal to them they have agreed to it., We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred. I was so impressed., READ MORE:Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Isibaya. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. Tarrant County Mugshots 2020, Who Is The Black Woman In The Audi Commercial, Why Does Shrimp Foam When Boiled, Cdl Speeding Ticket 15 Over In California . "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". Even though there can be many advantages of being a second wife, you might feel inadequate when filling the spaces left behind by the ex-wife and kids. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. Mrs. Kamal reported "in the beginning when I thought about the second wife, I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurt me." A lady was working in front of her husbands' clinic and usually visited the clinic. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome.. Jealousy: Jealousy is a common response to protect ones relationship [14]. Normally the husband stays in the main house and then the wives have their own homes outside, Lillian explains. In the modern-day polygamy is not as much disputed as in the past. Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. Lillian, for example, says she changed her mind because she could see how sorry Thamsanqa was for hurting her, and when he explained his reasons she was able to move from heartbreak to acceptance. That does not negate their significance to you and your partner (s), but the union will not be recognized by the law. When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. The study findings may be inconsistent with the previous one except for the religious factor due to cultural differences. Minor clashes are part of life to her. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? We may also learn that if we dont want to get hurt again, to put up a wall, or other such adjustments. All are located in new apartment buildings in good neighborhoods; their total value is about $5 million. The first theme was generated from the verbatim of the first question which was asked to polygamous women.

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